Rascal: "hello Smokey and welcome to today's blog segment"
Smokey: "umm, yes, hello small white dog."
R: "you can just call me boss, it's OK
S: "OK, small off-white dog"
R: "sigh, ok, so let's get started here. You came to live on Frost Farm after a massive recruitment effort where I was recruiting for the biggest and most trainable minions I could find, correct?"
S: "no, small, seldom-white dog, I came to live on the farm after my original people needed to find a new home for me and my brother, Shadow, due to changes in their complicated life patterns"
R: "Right, they answered my ad and..."
S: "little dog, do not try to obscure the truth. The Universe willed that we should come to this wonderful place to fulfill our life purpose and live out our path here".
R: "right, ok. So since you started with this, let's discuss your very unique personal philosophy. You are into meditation and all that zen stuff, isn't that right? You don't believe in killing/eating other animals, you eat mostly vegetables, meditate and all that right"
S: "Small dog with big attitude, it is important to have balance in our lives and that is what I strive for every day. We must balance our barking with our tail wagging. It is important to lie in a hole in the dirt we have dug with our own paws and receive the energy from the sun and the earth.
R: "is that how you justify those craters that you dig in the backyard that almost caused the CFO to break her ankle when she stepped in one?"
S: "I am certainly not aware of any such incident, small stinky dog."
R: "REALLY? because I heard her cussing all the way from my recliner."
S: "I certainly do not recall any such event, however, in the future I will limit my excavations to areas which are clearly visible and not hidden by ground cover."
R: "do you seriously talk this way all the time? I mean really. you are the biggest dog I've ever seen at 124 pounds, which makes you great asset to my army, but the whole "I won't kill anything' is really putting a damper on my world domination plans.
S: "my communication style is effective. Another point I wish to clarify is that some creatures, their path is to be eaten by other animals. Such as flies, I do like to snap them as they are annoying and cause us pain. Magpies and Ravens also all deserve to be snapped because they steal our dog food and taunt us with disparaging remarks. Unfortunately, I do admit to taking part in the harvesting of a wild bunny, but that was not entirely my fault
R: "Aaaah, dude! That was the time that Rio herded the rabbit straight toward you and Shadow and you grabbed it.
S: "unfortunately, I was panting from running and it jumped into my mouth"
R:: "and then you two tore it in half. That was soooo gnarly"
S: "I'd prefer not to relive that moment"
R:: and then the Farm Manager and the CFO had to wrestle the rabbit halves from each of you, I remember that, so much yelling. I thought for sure that Shadow was going to pass out before letting go of his half. You let go of yours right away"
S: "well, the CFO and the assistant manager seemed very upset so I didn't want to be in trouble, I didn't intentionally get that rabbit, it just jumped into my mouth, just like the baby magpie that time. I still grieve for those magpie parents"
R: "oh yea, remember that time when the assistant manager and the CFO were burning weeds and field mice were running everywhere, and that one that was on fire, ran straight at you and you stepped on it and then lifted your paw and couldn't find it because it was squished between your pads. OMG! That was the funniest thing I've ever seen."
S: "that was another unfortunate incident. I was simply trying to put out the fire on that poor creature's back and it didn't work out the way that I intended.:
R: "OMG, the CFO had to pull it out of your paw and it was all squished, bwa ha ha ha"
S: "I should have reviewed and approved of the topics we would discuss in this interview ahead of time before consenting to this."
R: "Nope, mom said I didn't have to and that this could be free from, I mean the CFO not mom, since this is official farm business here"
S: "I'm afraid that I must excuse myself from this exercise now and go meditate and reflect on the loss of life that I have inadvertently caused while pursuing a life of harmony.
R: l "but wait, I'm not done yet, let's talk about the time....."
S: "No, small ill-mannered dog, I must go and sit under a tree and contemplate my life path and atone for those who perished at my paws (except for flies, those really don't count)"
R: "Ok, if the 124 pound minion says the interview is over, I guess it's over. You all can see now what a challenge it is to muster a fight out of a 124 zen seeking, mostly pacifist dog. He does a good job of moving aluminum pipe around at Rio's direction and he's quiet. Overall, a good performer. A valued member of the team here at Frost Farm. This is Rascal, Farm Manager, over and out."
So that concluded my interview with Smokey. He's short on words but a great minion for the most part. He's intimidating to look at, but if people knew how much of a wuss he is, we'd be in trouble. I mean, if you see him jump and run the other way, it usually means there is a snake there. Although sometimes, if you step on stick and it moves, Smokey thinks it's a snake and jumps and runs the other way not that I've ever done that to him just for fun or anything. LOL. Until next time, nap well my friends.